For me, energy has felt heavy lately. I have gotten things done, laughed, exercised, and looking forward to life in general, however still, things are tense. I feel as if walking through a foggy bog at dusk. The air is heavy and wet. I must push through with my hand before I can take a step. The night runs closely fast behind and I desperately race trying to get to my destination.
Where am I going? Anywhere but in here. Who I run for I don’t know, but I know she cannot talk to me unless I quiet my mind. So I make myself busy. Completing or simply starting various things.
Bleak moments of existential dread escape as almost a gasp as the well-mannered people pleaser pardons herself for such silly imperfections. “Oh excuse me! How dare I take down these rosy-colored glasses.” I sigh and look around, knowing I am the only one to take care of myself today.
I refuse fake positivity. In these moments of realization of the mores I desire in life, I am grateful that I am here for me now. Rooting for me. Sit next to myself and think, “Yes, that does sound nice. Perhaps not tonight, but a tomorrow’s a whole new day. And tomorrow’s tomorrows are here for me too.”
Quite another Sarah has kicked herself while she shut down or sent herself to shun in the corner. No, every day is not the same, yet they are all perfect for they take us to the moments of these realizations. I am grateful to love myself now. I am grateful to see I have places to achieve. I am grateful for my wiliness to grow. I am gratefuly for my silliness to learn.
Some days are heavier, but before I lay my head down to sleep, I know peace. I know safety. I know serenity. For these things cannot be faked, and that is the true gift of my day.
In writing this, I am realizing the biggest piece missing is me. It is time to take time and dial down the outside noise. How best can I honor me? What does Sarah want me to know? How can I show me I accept myself from all parts of my being?
Affirmations: I am always where I need to be. Life is always happening best-case scenario. I am perfect because of the divine light I am.