I stopped drinking. I cannot say why. It was not a compulsion in that I fell into a dark ditch, it was a compulsion that my soul spoke, ‘you don’t need this anymore.’ I had a glass of wine with some friends after a dance class on a toasty Friday evening in September. And that was it. A quick burial, no ceremony. An instant click and I knew alcohol was not adding to my life.
Alcohol can add an air of mystery to life. To allow one to feel they are able to move, think, speak without reservations. However, you are always you. The mystery of late night drinks turn into: was that person even attractive? Am I only this fun when I’m lubricated? What even happened last night?!
Life is one unfolding mystery, and I enjoy knowing I can be my true self without liquid courage. One mystery down. I am me. No excuses. No extensions. No exceptions.
For me, alcohol served as my connection bridge. Having struggled with relationships – from friends to family to romantic partners – I believe alcohol provided a leading edge to connect with others. Not only did my inhibitions feel looser, but we were all engaging in the same common activity. However, I did not enjoy having hazy memories (or none some nights..), feeling detached from my body and further questioning if my actions were authentic.
I am a big girl and that fateful Friday in September, I said thank you, but no, thank you. I can do this on my own. By not drinking, I honor myself and I honor all I interact with.
Alcohol is so commonly promoted in popular culture. The rumors of the Egyptians building the pyramids spoke they were slaves paid by mead for their work. Hollywood movies show when someone is frustrated, upset, happy, or simply an end of the day – all occasions are marked with a drink.
If you just waited, for after that heightened feeling of despair or elation, you will feel a calming. An understanding. A deepening connection to all parts of you that exist in this reality. Alcohol was a distraction, an escape that affirmed I needed help connecting to the world. I step out again today without my ethanol security blanket.
Affirmations: I choose to live a clean life – clear in mind, clear in consumption, clear in action. I honor my body because it is a beautiful vessel. I am my true authentic self every moment. Each day I become more aligned with my divine purpose. I am comfortable being uncomfortable. I am all I need to embrace the day.