How do we maintain a sense of self and at the same time allow the world to impact us? Is this a contradiction, or is the answer that we do both? I am not sure.
I find when I maintain strong emotionally boundaries, I am able to appreciate other’s falls and leaps more. Furthermore, I am not experiencing the event with them, so I am able to be a steady hand. An outside perspective is able to add to another’s experience rather than competing or overshadowing or enmeshing into the other’s reality. If we are all One, there is no separation to begin with.
Our 3D realities allow us to honor the illusion we are separate. When we enmesh with another’s experience, we are challenging the other’s individual identity. This can feel violating to the receiver. The one who is enmeshing feels a shallow sense of self, a weak grounding in their own reality. This insecurity is what propels the aggressor to enmesh.
As a receiver, enmeshment can be so confusing. There was a great deal of enmeshment in my upbringing. I unconsciously piled on obligations and expectations that had nothing to do with me. They felt heavy, confining and confusion. Anything I experienced was felt tenfold by the enmesher. Only in observing the functioning in other families did I see how heavy these invisible burned weighed on my daily life.
As I still manage to unravel myself from these constraints, I learn to appreciate myself more fully. For standing up for myself when it seemed impossible, or even appreciating I had to hide just to feel safe from unspoken restrictions. Could we not add to one another’s lives instead of overshadowing them?
When we do not choose the roles we play, such as in the nuclear family unit, how does this benefit us? In an esoteric sense, one can say I did indeed choose these roles by agreeing on my soul contract before reincarnating on this plane. Further, when I encounter dynamics similar to ones in the past that have not aligned with respect for my being, I know to run.
At first, encountering families that supported and nurtured an individual self, in addition to the common community, was confusing. I felt welcomed and appreciated by a few ex-boyfriends’ moms, and I remember thinking, ‘what a beautiful gift it is to be loved.’ Of course, all families have their own intricacies, faults, growth opportunities as I see them. In knowing the lack, I appreciate the presence of unconditional love more fully.
Affirmations: I honor myself by loving my body, mind and spirit fully. I appreciate that I choose to be connected to others. My love is a gift from God that I give freely. My life lessons align me deeper every moment to my highest timeline.