The French word ‘faim’ translates ‘to be hungry’. In our world of binaries, craving what is not present, creates reverence, for that feeling when received. Family is the first people we know on this Earth. Many children suffer great losses as an infant – through death, adoption, neglect. Some families nurture, care for their children as they develop. Every baby is birthed with an unlimited potential to love. However, as we grow our world view narrows, we learn from experience how far trust can bring us and in what ways can we can act to best receive love. Our unlimited capacity becomes confined by our parents’, our community’s, our world’s expectations. Nothing to do with us at all, but we must acknowledge and respect these lines set forth by others to receive limited love in the form of praise, appreciation, and hopefully acceptance.
When we hunger and eat, we savor the food far more. When we thirst and drink, nothing else pales in comparison. In this way, family pains teach us what we need. Often, within our family, we feel starved for something. Whether that be acceptance, respect, freedom, praise, any tangent of unconditional love. In essence, family teaches us what to search for by experiencing the lack of it. This understanding shapes how I know life is not done to me, but for me. For without uncomfort and strain, why would I consent to growing pains.
Even today, within my family, I swivel my head seeking acceptance. Is it over here? Or there? Sitting back in observation, I watch cousins, siblings, aunt, uncles bark, poke and ‘joke’ to climb the pecking order. Often laying others down in front of them, so they may stand taller. When not in observation, I validate family members that otherwise would not speak to me. How do they know I will give this? Why not go to someone else? Why am I giving out what I so deeply and desperately crave to receive? Often our best answers shows up within our most tormenting questions.
Appreciation breeds by knowing its opposite. In my family, I have found that I freely give what I most desire. Why family members come for a moment, take, then leave. Have I trained them, or have they trained me? I feel drained. I cannot self-claim ‘I am your teacher of pain’ and then proceed to inflict agony on my family. Nor am I okay to be run over or stood upon. How can I show up being pleasant while staying authentic? Because nothing feels natural about starving for acceptance within my faim-ily.
Affirmations: I radiate love and receive love freely. I respect others because I respect myself. I am grateful to experience dark so I understand the gift og the light.